i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
