I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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