i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
