piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We are all done wearing pants today
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
