Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
