no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
