Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
