Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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