So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
