I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i dont even know how to be here
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize