you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
