just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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