the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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