yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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