i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
