I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
