I CAN MOONWALK!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just puked most of my soul out..
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