dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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