I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize