Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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