so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
