She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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