oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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