and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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