So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
