We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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