pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
