you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
