You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
