Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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