tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
