he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
