i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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