you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
