I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
