Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
