did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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