You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It was confusing and full of hummus
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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