Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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