she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
