she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize