the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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