I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
