cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
