i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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