i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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