Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
