the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
