obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
