His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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