Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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