Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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