I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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