he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
