Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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