No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
