u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I need to calm my uterus...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
