everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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