how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
