why didn't you poke me back
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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