Umm I'm too high to move.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
