I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
