You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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