I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
