I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
