I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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