Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
