If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
