Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
