I think my fart just growled at me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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