Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
