STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
