i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
