It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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