Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize