This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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