is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
