so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
