Pregnant stripper...not hot.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
