Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
