My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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