We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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