found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
