In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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