I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
