Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
