I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
