So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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