My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she pinky promised me she was 18
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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