its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize