so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
