omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
