you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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