people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize