i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
