It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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