She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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