After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
